I only think
long automatic
thoughts today
numb. no sleep
automatically

wanting to feel
breathing in smoke
deep and full in
blown slowly out

just a little sometimes
oh, yes, a lot randomly
triggered. tired
so tired I am hoping
tomorrow I might
forget why I am
needing

I wanted to be able
to say so much more
today – what I heard
helped me. thank you

graciously i hope

nothing now NOTHING
no cigarette
I don't CARE I don't C
well I do but NOT NOW

thin center held in walking straight ahead
NOTHING IS DESTROYED
the shelves are upright
things are where they are supposed

how nice just to breathe one – only one
just one – ONE FUCKING CIGARETTE
there has to be one, fallen on the floor
a butt – yeah just a little bit- NOTHING!

STORE! I can go to the store for a candy bar
no cigarettes, just to keep my mind off
oh coffee, sweet coffee, warm on the throat
and smooth tongue cigarette cigarette FUCK!
cottage cheese? yogurt. yoga was nice very
smooth center breathing deep in, deep out
moving away, past, past...
just one – oh one won't hurt
past, past – I'll be happy then, not now, then
shit. fuck. just one. one. only one.
it can be quick just to get the edge
off

line formatting! structure! nothing nothing.
meaning. heart. nothing. cigarette. fuck!
tomorrow. tomorrow. moving away

help! don't say NOTHING, dammit!
let it go. let it go. let it go.

just one. please. just one.